


The Stars Collide

by a1_kitkat



Series: Still Got Tonight [2]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Coming In Pants, Episode Related, Episode: s01e02, Episode: s01e03, Established Relationship, Feelings, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Beta Read, Oral Sex, Past Relationship(s), Reunion Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-10-23 09:27:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17680826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a1_kitkat/pseuds/a1_kitkat
Summary: ***This is tagged as part of a series but it can be read as a standalone***"Because every time you look at me, I’m seventeen again and I forget that the last ten years even happened and then you look away and I remember all over again and it almost kills me… Every. Time"“I never look away... not really”What happened before and after this very conversation.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Carina has confirmed that several days passed between the events of episodes 2 and 3 which included multiple hookups between Michael and Alex. This is just my take on those hookups and Michael's thoughts/feelings throughout the two episodes (up until the morning-after scene we were shown in episode 3)

Michael awoke with a killer headache but a surprisingly clear head.  
He’d left the reunion and gone to the nearest bar where he’d downed a vast number of shots then tried to distract himself with a pretty brunette only to ditch her when his brain reminded him that she wasn’t Alex. Michael had collapsed in his trailer, exhausted from everything that was spiralling out of control around him. He’d closed his eyes and softly ran his thumb across his lips, pretending he could still feel Alex’s lips on his, he knew it was futile but he wanted to believe.

In the harsh light of morning, he crawled out of bed then spent the rest of the day trying to think of a solution to the more pressing matter of Max and Liz. He turned to Isobel for help and between them they decided since they weren’t getting through to Max they might have better luck with Liz.  
Maybe he wouldn’t have been so reckless had he not still been reeling from his passionate kiss at the reunion with Alex but later that night, he found himself breaking into the Crashdown Café with Isobel in a not very well executed plan to frighten Liz.

Michael let his emotions get the better of him; he always did whenever Alex was involved and he allowed himself to goad Max. The punch was enough to make him see sense and Michael stormed out in a huff… Straight back to the Wild Pony, where he took up a place at the bar and stayed there until closing time. He woke up in his truck, feeling not even close to refreshed and headed back to his trailer.  
As he turned off the main road, heading towards the ranch, he saw a lone figure standing in front of his trailer and he groaned. He wasn’t in the mood for this, not now. Michael climbed out of the truck and moved towards his visitor.

“You keep showing up like this, I’m going to start thinking you like me” Michael could hear the snark in his own voice.  
“The sale of the ranch went through, this land is now property of the US Government” Alex was so formal; even his eyes looked darker, harder than they had at the reunion. “You have twenty four hours to move out”

Michael reached out, gripped the pocket of Alex’s fatigues.  
“Why don’t you tell Uncle Sam I’ll think about it?” inside he was furious, this was his home, they couldn’t make him leave. Alex raised his hand, took hold of Michael’s and he felt the familiar jolt of excitement at Alex’s touch.  
“Guerin” Alex maintained his deadpanned tone but it was enough to make Michael release his hold. “What happened at the reunion cannot happen again, okay?”

Michael averted his gaze. He’d known that was what Alex was going to say and he knew there were multiple ways that he could respond but this back and forth between them was painful enough. The passion, the desperation behind their kiss had been projected from both of them. They’d each shown their hand that night, Michael was willing to risk it all again… Wasn’t Alex though?  
Being this close again but not being able to touch and kiss the man he still loved was gut wrenchingly difficult especially in these few moments when Alex was here to kick him out of his home. He knew the only thing he could do was hurt Alex the way Alex was hurting him right now. Michael sighed in defeat.

“What happened?” he looked straight into Alex’s eyes “I was pretty wasted”  
It didn’t work, of course.  
“Just… Move your trailer” Alex insisted as he started to walk away.  
“What’s the Air Force want with the land anyway? It’s the third dairy ranch you’ve shut down”  
“We’re building a new facility”  
“Well isn’t there some law about building on a historical site?”  
“What do you mean a historical-” he trailed off “Oh you mean the UFO that crashed here? Yeah we’re not supposed to build on top of Santa’s workshop either” 

There was a hint of amusement in Alex’s voice as the man turned and climbed into his jeep. With his back turned, Michael looked away. The words stung deeper than he cared to admit and he was glad that Alex couldn’t see it. He’d just tried everything he could to make Alex hurt only to be stung himself.  
This land was the closest tie he had to home, he couldn’t leave it; he didn’t want to leave it.

*

He didn’t even bother to change, simply got back into his truck and went straight back to the bar. Michael was drowning his sorrows when Isobel came in. He tried to ignore her but she was relentless; all she wanted to talk about was Max, all Michael wanted to do was drink. He knew his reluctance to engage the way she wanted only frustrated her which was what led her to say the things she said.

Her parting words echoed in his mind long after she’d walked away.  
“Is there really no one in this world that you wouldn’t risk everything to save?” 

His eyes had scanned the bar and low and behold, there was Alex Manes… Staring right back at him. Not for the first time, he wondered if he’d accidently left some kind of psychic connection on the man for he always seemed to be around whenever he was thinking about him.  
Michael’s eyes were drawn to Alex from across the room and he had to force himself not to stare; Alex looked so happy and content… The smile on his face… Michael remembered that special, secret smile that only he ever got to see when they were alone, in bed, together. 

He got to his feet and hurried from the bar, managing to catch up to Isobel before she reached her car. She gave him a confused look and he simply shrugged his shoulders, let her think she’d won this argument even though she clearly hadn’t… or had she?

*

Even as they helped Max, Michael’s mind still wandered, lingering on Isobel’s words. He wanted to be mad at Max for what he’d done; saving Liz and telling her their big secret… A secret Isobel had been keeping from her husband all this time, a secret Michael hadn’t told anyone either. Not that there’d never been anyone he’d wanted to tell, he’d been very tempted a long time ago and even now, knowing that Liz knew their secret, it was like a constant knife in the base of his spine.  
Why did she of all people get to be the one they had to let in? Because it was Max who loved her? Or was it just a case of right place, right time? Max having been there at the right moment to save her…  
Because every time Michael looked at Alex on his crutch, he wished he’d been there to save him, to protect him from being injured, to save him the pain of losing a limb. Alex had been one of the most adventurous, active kids Michael had known. There was barely a day in high school that Alex had been without his skate board; they’d gone on long hikes to very secluded places to make out and while Alex was not the type to let an injury like this stop him from doing the things he loves, a permanent injury takes its toll.  
Why did Liz get to know everything about them and be perfectly healthy while Isobel continues to lie to her husband and Michael watches the man he loves walk with a crutch?

***

Michael’s feelings of nostalgia continued to build the following day as he boxed up the items in his trailer, being very careful with certain sensitive material. He placed everything that should be out of sight, out of sight and anything he didn’t want cluttering up the already limited space he carried outside. There wasn’t much he was parting with as he didn’t actually have much to begin with.  
He carried a box outside and placed it in the back of his truck, was sorting through other discarded items when he heard a car pull up, heard the sound of the door slam shut followed by footsteps and the scrape of the crutch growing louder as they got closer.

“Where are you going to go?” he heard Alex ask.  
“Tennessee” Michael said the first place that came to mind.  
“Really?” there was a faint sound of disbelief and something else in Alex’s tone.  
“No” Michael snapped in annoyance as he turned around. “No there are a couple of people who still need me here”

What was Alex even doing here? Did he not realize how difficult this was for him? Maybe he did and that’s why he was here, to see Michael’s struggle but no… Alex wasn’t like that, wasn’t like that at all.  
Michael picked up the bucket he’d just removed from the truck and put it back in.

“I figure I can work at the junkyard until I figure something else out” Michael continued. He didn’t even know why he was telling Alex any of this.  
“Good” His reply was soft but it was enough to make Michael turn around.  
“Good?” he asked, sounding as confused as he felt.

They stared at each other for a moment, Michael held Alex’s gaze for as long as he could… until Alex looked away. Michael recognized the look on his face, like he was weighing up exactly what he wanted to say and if he really wanted to say it.

“I spent the night with some old friends” Alex stated almost nervously. Michael knew this of course; he’d seen them together, seen how happy and carefree Alex had been. “It made me think about…” he shifted, wouldn’t meet Michael’s eye “who I was… ” he finally looked up “when this started”

It was the most honest he’d seen Alex since their kiss at the reunion so Michael decided to be equally as honest with him… Unsure exactly how Alex would react to his words.

“From where I’m standing, nothing’s changed” Michael confessed. ‘I’m still in love with you’ he added silently, finally admitting it to himself.  
There it was; the small exhale as Alex looked away.  
“Including the way you look at me” Alex finished for him. So Michael held his gaze, practically screaming the words inside his head “and that’s a problem for me, Guerin, because every time you look at me, I’m seventeen again and I forget that the last ten years even happened” he could hear the pain in Alex’s voice and wanted to reach for him, for his hand or his heart but Alex was still staring at him, pouring his heart out to him. “And then you look away and I remember all over again” he pleaded “and it almost kills me… Every. Time”  
“I never look away” Michael admitted as he continued to hold Alex’s gaze “not really” 

The words and meaning lingered in the air between them as he watched Alex trying to determine if he’s telling the truth. They both just look at each other, the voice inside Michael is shouting at him to say more, to tell him what he needs to hear. Alex turned and started to take a few steps. Michael knew he couldn’t let him go, not now, not ever. He reached out and grabbed hold of his arm.

“What are you doing?” Michael asked. He watches as Alex’s eyes flicked from Michael’s hand on his arm then up to his face. It only takes a few seconds for Alex to make his decision but for Michael it felt like forever before Alex took a step towards the trailer and opened the door. He hurried after him, watched as Alex moved up the step and into Michael’s home.

Michael pulled the door closed behind them and locked it before he turned and looked at Alex, taking in the image of Alex Manes standing before him in his trailer. To his surprise, Alex makes the first move and grasps his face in his hands, pulls him in for a kiss and its utter bliss. He reacts in turn; his hand brushes Alex’s neck and slides into his shorter hair. He can feel Alex’s fingers in his own curls, tugging and pulling on them as their kiss deepens.

He ran his hands over Alex’s body, quickly separated him from his jacket which Michael discarded on the floor. This is his home and Alex is here with him, the bed is small but big enough for them and he pushes the other man down onto it. Alex stared up at him, the familiar look of want and need in his eyes as Michael discarded his shirt and licked his lips.  
Alex held Michael’s gaze as he reached for his own belt but Michael didn’t give him time to unbuckle it before he was on top of him, kissing and touching him as though his life depended upon it. He’d craved Alex’s touch for so long and now that he had it, could feel Alex’s fingers on his naked back, he didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or cry… Laugh at the ludacrisy of it or cry from happiness and longing. If someone had told him last week or even this morning that Alex would be in his bed right now, he’d tell them they were crazy. Alex’s body was warm and strong and he could feel tears brimming in his eyes, the tears of a man who finally had something he’d waited so long for but also tears of reality that this wouldn’t last… It never did.

Michael pushed those thoughts from his mind as he yanked Alex’s shirt off over his head then stroked his fingers down his chest, tracing fresh scars on a body he’d known so well so many years ago. Michael had known every inch of Alex, had tasted his skin, felt his heartbeat beneath his fingers; every muscle, every freckle was etched into Michael’s memory and he wanted to see them all again… Not all of them, the freckle formation that he’d once joked looked like Cassiopeia had been on Alex’s ankle. It hurt, knowing he’d never see it again.  
He continued his onslaught of kisses, neither one of them coming up for breath until Michael reached for belt buckle. That was when Alex’s hand closed over his own.

“Not yet” Alex was slightly breathless which just made his voice sound that much sexier but Michael was willing to do anything he asked so he just nodded his head and started kissing Alex’s erogenous neck. The sounds coming from Alex were beautiful; Michael could listen to them all day, he had listened to them all day before. 

Neither of them spoke again for a long time, instead they reveled in being able to kiss and touch each other again. They were older, their bodies were more developed and Alex’s military training had just made everything about him that much sexier.

The elephant in the room was Alex’s leg which Michael was very careful of but he also knew that was why Alex had stopped him from going into his pants. The safest compromise was for Michael to start touching Alex through his clothes since he could already feel the tenting in his pants. He gave an affectionate touch before he started to build up a friction, watched as Alex tossed his head back and licked at his lips. Low moans escaped his lips which Michael kissed away. They lie beside each other on Michael’s bed, Alex buried his hands in Michael’s pants, grasping his buttocks and pulling him close so their bodies were touching and Michael didn’t need his hand to build up the friction anymore.

He unzipped Alex’s pants and could feel the dampness on his briefs. Michael tried again to unbuckle the belt and Alex looked up at him with an equal mix of fear, want, trust and desire. Not wanting to push things too far, Michael lowered Alex’s pants just enough to free him from the confining material. He captured Alex’s lips in one last deep kiss before he pulled away then leaned down and took Alex’s hardness into his mouth.

The way Alex cried his name was almost enough to make Michael come in his own pants but he held strong. He felt Alex’s long fingers in his hair, twirling his curls around his digits and he looked up, into his eyes. They held each other’s gaze for a long, long time as Michael slowly brought Alex closer and closer to the brink.  
Michael could feel Alex’s heart beating in frantic sync with his own which just made him love the man even more than he thought possible. Alex came with a low, guttural growl of Michael’s name and Michael was only too happy to swallow every drop of the man he loved. He slowly kissed a trail up Alex’s chest to his mouth and tried to project everything he felt for him into the one kiss that he placed upon his lips.

Michael was painfully hard now but he wasn’t going to say anything. He would wait and see what Alex wanted to do next. He felt Alex’s hand sneak inside his pants and gave an involuntary whimper then Alex’s tongue was in his mouth while his fingers worked his cock. Michael felt the tears forming again and blinked them back. Alex’s lips shifted to Michael’s ear and he spoke for the first time.

“Come for me, Guerin” he whispered in Michael’s ear.  
Like an overexcited teenager, Michael came in his pants but he wasn’t embarrassed because it was what Alex had wanted and right now, all Michael wanted to do was please Alex, to show him nothing had changed between them. That they could still be the seventeen year old boys who’d fallen in love so long ago.

It pained him to do it but he reluctantly pulled away from Alex. He climbed off the bed and yanked off his pants and underwear. As he tossed them aside, he sensed movement behind him and saw Alex reaching for his shirt. Michael watched as Alex pulled his shirt back on and started tucking himself back in.

“Can you uh hand me my…?” Alex didn’t finish as he saw the way Michael was looking at him. “I’m sorry but I have to go”  
“Just like old times, huh?” Michael tried not to sound hurt.  
“You have to be out of here by sundown anyway”  
“So that makes it okay?”  
“Please, try to understand”

Michael picked up the crutch and handed it to Alex.  
“Oh, I understand completely” Michael said to him. “Like I said, nothing’s changed”  
Alex stood up and brushed past Michael.  
“You have to move your trailer” he said to him.

As Alex reached over to unlock the door, Michael took his hand in his. Alex stopped and their eyes met. Michael leaned over and kissed him as fiercely as they’d kissed when they first stepped into the trailer. Alex slid his arm around Michael’s naked body and pulled him close while they kissed.

“I have to go” Alex said again.  
“So go” Michael replied, still holding him close.  
“It’ll be dark soon; I don’t want you getting into trouble”  
“Trouble is my middle name”  
“It doesn’t have to be”  
“There are a lot of things in this world that don’t have to be”

Alex reached for the lock, separated himself from Michael then stepped outside. The sun was already setting.  
“I’ll see you later, Guerin” Alex said to him.  
“Yeah, later, Manes” Michael emphasized his use of Alex’s last name before Alex pulled the door closed behind him and walked away, leaving Michael naked and alone in the trailer.


	2. Chapter 2

It hadn’t taken long to unpack the trailer at the junkyard. He was sitting outside on a lawn chair with his feet up, a beer in his hand and his eyes closed when he heard a car a ways away. Michael opened his eyes and looked around, there was no sign of any car but then he heard footsteps and the familiar sound of the crutch. Funny how that sound brought a smile to his lips as it meant Alex was nearby.

“Come to make sure I’m not still on the Ranch?” Michael asked, closed his eyes again. He wasn’t ready to look at Alex just yet; he needed to stay mad a little bit longer.  
“I checked the Ranch already” Alex confessed “it was part of my job”  
“So why are you here?”  
“To make sure you are”  
“Where else would I be? Since you knew I wasn’t at the Ranch?”  
“I don’t know… Tennessee maybe”

Michael opened his eyes and looked up at Alex in confusion.  
“I’m sorry” Alex began “I’m sorry for leaving the way I did”  
“Obviously something more important came up” Michael tried to sound tough.  
“I had to meet my dad”  
“Of course you did”  
“Michael, please? I’m trying to-”  
“To what?”  
“To apologize” he moved closer and stared down at Michael with the familiar pleading in his eyes “I swear I didn’t want to leave you like that”

“You want a beer?” Michael asked him in a bid to change the subject.  
“Sure” Alex replied with a hopeful smile.  
“In there” 

Michael nodded in the direction of the trailer then watched as Alex made his way over, opened the door and stepped inside. He gave him till the count of thirty before he got to his feet and headed after him. It shouldn’t have taken Alex that long to find the beer.  
The door was still open so Michael peered inside; Alex was standing next to the table but was holding something else in his hand. Michael moved closer, stepped into the trailer himself and saw what had caught Alex’s attention. The other man looked at him then held up the old photo of the two of them for Michael to see.

“Where did you find this?” Alex asked him.  
“I didn’t find it” Michael confessed “I’ve kept it safe this whole time… Mostly used it as a bookmark” he nodded towards the shelf where the only book Alex had ever given him was on display. Alex almost didn’t recognize the extremely well-read copy. He held out the picture for Michael to take then watched as he very carefully put it away. Michael could feel Alex’s eyes on him and he quickly turned around.

“What?” Michael asked with a raised eyebrow “what are you staring at?”  
“You” Alex admitted almost shyly. “I want to be with you”  
“But?” he knew Alex would come up with an excuse, was just biding his time.  
“I haven’t” Alex looked into his eyes and Michael felt himself sinking “I haven’t been with anyone since…” he looked down at his crutch. “There was one guy but before anything could happen, he said to me ‘I’ve never been with a cripple before’ then he got offended when I left”

Michael could feel his blood boiling. How dare anyone say something like that to his beautiful Alex? He clenched his hand into a fist but stopped when he felt Alex’s hand close over his fist. Half of the tension seeped from his body at Alex’s gentle touch.

“It’s’ okay” Alex assured him “but his words just kept going through my head yesterday whenever you came close to touching me and I… I guess I got scared”  
Michael lifted his hand, raised Alex’s with his and brought it to his lips to kiss his knuckles.  
“You’re the bravest man I know” Michael said to him “but it’s okay to be scared every once in a while”  
“You don’t scare me; not having a leg is what scares me”  
“Just means there’ll be a bit more room in the bed for the two of us”

The little exhale laugh of Alex’s escaped his lips, Michael dared to lean closer and kiss him. Slow and gentle at first, to give Alex time to change his mind but Alex immediately went with it and wrapped his arm around Michael’s waist. Their kiss mirrored in intensity with their one from the previous day and Michael was quick to lead the way towards his bed. Alex fell onto the mattress with ease and Michael took a moment to carefully place the crutch aside as Alex moved back, his hands shifted the sheets to push them out of the way when he picked up a jacket. His eyes flicked from the garment to Michael who was already shirtless and his face softened.

“Hey, you left it here” Michael argued.  
“So you took it to bed with you?” Alex asked him with a twinkle in his eye.  
“Of course” Michael leaned down, cupped Alex’s cheeks in his hands and kissed him “it smelt like you” he whispered.  
“Charming, Guerin”

Michael slowly sank to his knees so he was kneeling before Alex. Their eyes locked as Michael ran his hand up Alex’s fake leg, it felt strange and it tugged at Michael’s heart as he watched the feelings of uncertainty dancing behind Alex’s eyes. He knew he was nervous and wanted to reassure him but he wasn’t sure how, didn’t know what to do.

“I don’t know how to-” Michael confessed to him.  
“It’s alright, I can do it” Alex replied.

So Michael shrank back and watched intently as Alex removed the prosthetic then carefully placed it aside. He moved between the other man’s legs and gently ran his hands up Alex’s thighs to his waist then he propelled himself forward and kissed him deeply. He felt Alex’s fingers in his hair as he tugged at the base of his shirt before yanking it off over his head. They parted long enough for the garment to pass between them before immediately resuming their kissing.

Michael reached for the zip on Alex’s pants and expected there to be hesitation but Alex allowed it and allowed him to carefully remove his pants. Michael was gentle as he separated Alex from his clothes and before they knew it, Alex was completely naked atop of Michael’s bed. The very sight made his heart soar but he could still see the nervous hesitation in Alex’s eyes.

“Is it okay if…?” Michael whispered “May I…?”

Alex slowly nodded his head. Michael carefully reached out and gently ran his fingers across the skin of Alex’s knee then down to the stump. It was a clean cut with no sign of lingering infections. As his fingers traced the scars, he heard a sharp intake of breath and he looked up, into Alex’s terrified eyes. He held his gaze as he leaned down and placed a kiss to the scar. Alex gasped and Michael smiled up at him, reassuring him that it was okay.  
Alex reached out for Michael and pulled him up to meet him in a deep kiss.  
“Thank you” he whispered as he blinked back tears “thank you”  
“Don’t thank me yet, I haven’t done anything”  
“You’ve done more than you’ll ever know”

Michael kissed him to stop him from saying anything else. He knew how vulnerable Alex was allowing himself to be right now and needed him to know how much it meant to him. He took control and climbed onto the bed. It wasn’t easy but they maneuvered around each other until they were lying face to face on Michael’s bed and they were kissing again. Alex’s fingers were in Michael’s hair while Michael’s thumb teased Alex’s nipple.  
Their bodies moved closer together so the only thing separating them was Michael’s pants. Alex reached down between them and grasped him through the material, much like Michael had done for him the previous day.

“I want to be with you” Alex whispered as Michael’s lips teased his neck. “Like we used to…”  
“Are you sure?” Michael asked as he shot up and stared into his eyes, searching for certainty.  
“Please? Please?”  
Alex captured his lips again while Michael hastened to shimmy free of his pants and underwear. He reached for the space between the bed and the wall, tried to reach then gave up and used his powers to bring what he needed to his hand. When they finally parted, he showed the lube and the condom to Alex who simply nodded his head yes.

Michael watched as Alex rolled over without hesitation and he placed a kiss to the nape of his neck. He’d had too much practice at this that he was able to continuing teasing Alex’s skin while he worked the tube open and poured a generous amount onto his fingers. He heard the sharp intake of breath as he eased his index and middle fingers inside Alex then leaned over to kiss his lips. The angle was off but they continued to kiss while Michael prepped for what was to come. His heart was beating so hard he feared Alex could hear it but his beautiful Alex didn’t say a thing, just continued to make those sounds that drove Michael wild.  
Alex had never needed much to be ready for Michael but he wanted to savor it, enjoying the feeling of touching him so intimately again that he almost didn’t want to stop but he had to. His hand was trembling as he tore open the packaging and slid the condom over his already hard cock. His actions were slow, giving Alex as much time as he needed to tell him to stop but the words never came. He leaned over, looked into his eyes and Alex Manes smiled at him.  
Michael’s heart soared and it was all the encouragement he needed then he was sliding into Alex with the familiarity of days long ago and the excitement of what they were both feeling. Alex’s lips found his and Michael was terrified Alex would throw his neck out but neither of them wanted to stop or move their position. They quickly found a rhythm and Michael slid his hand around Alex, took the other man’s cock in his grasp and worked him in time with their movements.

Their kisses were as harried as their lovemaking until they both began to slow down, knowing there was no hurry for this to be over. Their movements slowed, kisses became tenderer as they simply held each other. Sex, for Michael, hadn’t felt this good since… since last time he’d had Alex in his arms. Right now, he couldn’t remember the names or faces of any of his former lovers, none of them could ever compare to what he felt for his first love, the man who was in his arms, his bed, his heart, right this moment.  
What felt like hours passed as they moved together, making love to each other and exchanging sweet tender kisses while alternating with hot, intense, passionate kisses between. Alex came first but only seconds before Michael. They collapsed in a sated heap, Michael pulled Alex’s body closer and kissed his neck as they tried to regain their breath and will their heartbeats to return to normal.

Michael nodded off soon after and dreamed that Alex gave him a kiss while he slept. When he eventually woke up, the trailer was dark, the condom was in the garbage and all traces of their lovemaking had been wiped away except for the smile on his lips. He sat up and fumbled for the light. He was alone.  
He sank back down on the bed and adjusted the pillow, lying beside it was Alex’s jacket. He’d left it behind again. Michael picked it up and breathed in the scent. He drifted off again with Alex’s jacket in his arms and an empty bed beside him.

***

The only time he saw Alex over the next two days was when he was on duty and looked so stiff, so formal in his fatigues. Michael wanted to approach, to say something, anything to get a rise or reaction from him but every time he looked at Alex, his breath caught in his throat then Alex’s dad would mysteriously appear next to him and Michael would scamper away.

He was curled up in his bed, wearing Alex’s jacket when there was a loud knock at his door.

“I’m allowed to be here” he shouted at his visitor. He was used to people knocking on his door and telling him to move on. He got to his feet and threw the door open to tell them face to face to go away and was surprised to find Alex standing before him.

“Guerin” he greeted him.  
“Manes” Michael replied.  
“Can I come in? Please?”

Michael moved aside and Alex stepped into the trailer, he pulled the door closed behind him.  
“You’re wearing my clothes now?” Alex asked him.  
“Well you weren’t” Michael replied “figured it was a waste no one wearing it”  
He started to take it off but Alex reached out and stopped him.  
“It looks good on you” Alex whispered.  
“It would look better on the floor… your other clothes would too”  
“Guerin-”  
“That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?”

He was sure his words stung for Alex flinched.  
“I… I came to thank you” he admitted.  
“To thank me?”  
“The other night was…” he paused “I can’t even put into words what it was, what it meant to me”  
“The part where we had sex or when you walked out and left me here alone like a cheap whore?”  
“Guerin” his tone was hard but quickly softened as he reached out and grasped the front of his jacket “Michael”

Alex never called him by his first name; the effect was instant as his cock immediately began to stir.  
“I’m sorry” Alex whispered “Sorry I left the way I did… Again… But this is all so terrifying for me”  
“Did you ever stop to think that I might be scared too?”  
“No, I didn’t because I was selfishly thinking about myself and my stupid leg and how perfectly amazing you were about the whole thing. I got scared”  
Michael reached up and placed his hand on top of Alex’s.  
“You don’t have to be scared around me” Michael assured him.  
“I know I don’t” Alex replied “and that’s what scares me”  
Michael laughed.  
“I know how you can make it up to me” he said to him.  
“Oh yeah?” Alex asked. “How?”

Michael leaned in and kissed him when they finally broke apart, Alex was smiling at him. They didn’t say another word as Michael started to unbutton Alex’s shirt.

*

Sunlight was streaming into the trailer and Michael winced but wasn’t ready to open his eyes just yet. Something light brushed his naked chest once, twice, three times before he dared to sneak a peek and he found himself staring into Alex’s eyes as the other man resumed his position beside Michael, resting his head on his arm. 

“You stayed” Michael whispered.  
“It was late and I was tired” Alex admitted as Michael sat up and reached for him, placed a hand on his arm and caressed his skin.  
“That’s why you stayed?”  
But Alex didn’t answer; he brushed his hand upon Michael’s neck before gently running his thumb across his lips. In turn, Michael ran his hand down Alex’s thigh past his knee to caress the scars on his injured leg. He was just about to steal a kiss when the sound of a loud car horn caused them to break apart.

“Hello?” Isobel’s voice trickled into the trailer “I have bagels”

“Dammit” Alex declared as he hastened to free himself from Michael’s arms.  
“Whoa” Michael tried to calm him “relax man, it’s just Isobel”  
He didn’t fail to notice to look on Alex’s face.  
“Wait, does she know about us?” the fear was prominent in his voice.  
“Would it be so bad if she did?”  
“Yeah”

It was always two steps forward and two steps back for them. Alex had stayed the night so of course something had to go wrong for them now. Michael started to climbed out of bed as he reached for his pants.

“Guerin” Alex started to argue  
“Nah don’t worry about it” he brushed him off, his turn to be the one to walk away.

Michael pulled his pants up and shoved his feet into the nearest pair of shoes. He didn’t look back as he threw open the door and stepped out of the trailer. He was considerate enough to pull it closed behind him. As he moved towards Isobel, his mind was back inside with Alex. What had started as a beautiful morning had come crashing down around him… Like everything else in his life right now.  
Isobel was there to talk to him about Max and Liz. He didn’t want to hear it, he wanted to go back inside and crawl back into bed with Alex. As she talked, he kept one eye on the trailer. Michael knew Alex wouldn’t come out until Isobel was gone so he purposely kept her there much longer than she needed to be so by the time she left, not only was she annoyed with him but Alex was too.

The trailer door opened and Alex stepped out, fully dressed with crutch in hand and his jacket in the other. From this distance, their eyes met and they stared at each other for longer than necessary until Alex turned and walked away, to the back of the junkyard where he parked his car away from prying eyes.  
Michael watched him walk away. It hurt when Alex didn’t turn back around.  
It always hurt when Alex walked away from him. How many more times was he going to have to experience the pain of it? He didn’t know, he didn’t care, because every time Alex Manes walked away from him, it meant Alex had just been right in front of him.


End file.
